Obsessive pursuit

Imagine there was a global competition, similar to the story of Charlie & the Chocolate Factory , where the first person to find a special ticket wins something amazing. However, instead of chocolate, the one who finds the ticket wins 1 billion dollars. Free of tax, and absolutely no catch. Your safety is ensured, and it cannot be taken from you. This competition is held every 100 years, and all you have to do is be the first to touch the ticket. Once you do that, the billion appears in your account. Alternatively, for those of you who don’t care about money, you can imagine winning something else valuable. 

The only difficulty is that this one single ticket could be anywhere in the world.

Now if this competition really existed…

Would you try to find the ticket?

Well, I can say for sure that I wouldn’t. Of all the billions of people, of all the billions of places, I highly doubt I’d have any real chance. Far more reasonable to assume someone else will find it, and just go about my day. 

But let’s say in this scenario, you actually had the ability to track the ticket. A power that allowed you to picture exactly where the ticket was in the world. 

With this newfound ability, would you change your mind about looking for the ticket?

Well, that’s how an obsessive pursuit can feel. It’s like every second you’re not chasing that goal it’s like, why aren’t you chasing that goal? There’s a billion dollars and it’s practically yours, all you have to do is grab it. The treasure is there, you know where it is, and most important of all, you know how to get there. The hard part is already done. It’s just doing it. Suddenly no effort will feel like a waste of effort. If getting a plane ticket is the obstacle to getting there, so be it. If learning a new language to communicate with foreigners is the obstacle to getting there, then so be it. If it means quitting your job to give yourself the time to travel, then so be it. You cannot help but deeply appreciate the advantage you seem to have. This vision in your head. Because no one else seems to know, but suddenly you do. That’s how it feels when I have a creative idea.  A vision so exact that to me it’s already real. It doesn’t feel like some delusion I’ve created out of thin air, it feels as though it already exists. The treasure is already there, all I am doing is digging for it. The stories are already made, all I am doing is writing it. This idea is already alive, your potential is already sitting there waiting for you. All you’re doing is getting there. And the faster you get there, the more you capitalise on that opportunity. All you’re doing is bringing it out. Bringing it to life. 

The best artists don’t simply create art, they bring it to life. The best athletes don’t simply fulfil potential, they express it. Because it already exists. And the fact they know it exists creates this impatient craving to get to it. All of a sudden they’re the only obstacle. Would you stop digging for a billion? Would you abandon the spot for someone else to walk by? It no longer matters whether or not you want to. Even when you know the amount of effort it will take, you won’t be able to stop thinking about it. You’ll always feel it’s in the palm of your hands, completely yours for the taking. And you won’t be able to sleep right until you’ve claimed what’s yours. You become obsessed. Coated with entitlement. Because you feel it was meant for you, it was given to you. 

In that sense, ideas are no longer perceived as a chore, goals are no longer perceived as a chore, they’re like a gift. Like I have no idea why I know this, but I must maximise this gift. 

Even when you remove the billion dollars and the ticket, and there’s no guarantee that something good will come out of your latest idea or goal,  the feeling remains. That you’re on the verge of success. Even when you don’t have it all figured out. Because you never actually required all the answers to become obsessed with your vision, you just needed enough to chase the next piece. If anything, that’s what strengthens the drive. That’s what makes experimenting so fun. You may not know what it is, or what it could be, but you know you’re onto something special, so you follow the trail. Believing if you stay on the same path that you are, something great will happen. You’re plagued with the feeling that you’re on the verge of something good. A feeling so strong, that you’re curious as to what will become of it. The genie, the ticket isn’t real, but the feeling is. 

The truth is, no one will be able to capture your vision as well as you. It’s this possession, that it has to be you. Cause you know who you are, and no one else can do it. You know how rare it is for someone to have what you seem to have. You cannot teach it, you cannot pinpoint exactly what separates you. But you accept it’s fallen upon you. You see something that you feel you were supposed to see. So you walk a path you feel you were supposed to walk. 

Especially if it’s something that could be of large benefit to others. More than an obligation, it would feel like a moral responsibility. If you had the power to help many, why shouldn’t you? Why aren’t you doing anything about it? The responsibility not to keep something great in your own head, when you could share it with others. 

It’s this obsessive pursuit. You never really question it. But it’s a gift. Powerful enough to destroy you, luring enough to feel supernatural. And even if it destroys you, you’ll feel it was worth it. Because when everything feels grey and misaligned, it represents the colour that makes you feel alive. A feeling of absolute certainty in what you want. Raw passion. In whatever medium that may be. Art is that spark. A fragment of life’s core. A journey to life’s core, cause we’re doing it wrong.

“I still like going to the cinema”